Qadr. A simple four-letter word yet a difficult concept to grasp. One of the pillars of Imaan, to believe in fate—good or bad. I never truly understood the meaning of this as a child when I learned the pillars at Saturday and Sunday school. I have gained new insight of Qadr over time. I would like to give you a glimpse of my journey, including my struggles with grasping Qadr.
During my senior year of high school, my family and I were in a motor vehicle accident. Alhamdulilah, we all survived but not without injuries. My mother broke her chest and fractured her ankle, my younger sisters suffered concussions and a sprained ankle, and I severed my spinal cord, leaving me paralyzed from mid-chest down. I distinctly remember the moment of impact. I felt excruciating pain and could not breathe. I believed I was seconds away from death. I repeated “La ilaaha ilall laah” and attempted to feel and move my legs, but to no avail.
The months and years following were a challenging time for me and my family. I had several surgeries, was admitted to a rehabilitation center for extensive physical and occupational therapy, and had to learn how to navigate the world differently—being in a wheelchair. At the time, I did not understand the severity of the situation. The independence I once had was stripped from me. I thought I was being punished. I shifted away from Allah and friends and withdrew to myself. I was scared to venture out into the world differently abled. With the support of my friends and family, I was able to conquer my fears.
Despite my adversities, I continued to shine a bright light in my community through the continued support. I completed coursework at the hospital to ensure I could graduate high school on time. I then moved on to college, in which I participated in many clubs and continued to blossom while navigating my new lifestyle. In Fall 2018, I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a Biochemistry degree in hopes to start medical school, insha’Allah. I regained that independence I believed I lost.
Qadr comforts me. It is also a concept I still have difficulties with. I continue to remind myself what is written, is what will occur. Allah knows best. He knows best for me and for mankind. This grounds me and aids in my perseverance. Despite unfortunate circumstances, there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I have learned one thing, it is that your circumstances do not define who you are, but they can and do shape you. Alhamdulilah for what I have endured, will endure, and will continue to endure.
Edil Nour is a 24 year old first generation Somali American. She was born and raised in Georgia. She currently resides in Lawerenceville, GA with her family. Edil is pursuing a career in the medical field.
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